What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? On Sunday, Manchester United, being an unstoppable force of chaos and disfunction, payed visit to Goodison Park to face the immovable object of general disappointment that is Everton.
As for the initial question, the answer is “an impossible event”, according to google. Which feels fair enough, as the ensuing match felt as ridiculous as the circumstances surrounding the fixture itself.
Everton's pre-match protest (Via BBC)
They key competent to said ridiculous circumstances was the fact that it was Everton’s first match since receiving their unprecedented 10-point deduction from the Premier League for violating Financial Fair Play regulations. So, despite Everton’s 4-2-6 record entering the affair, they sat in 19th place on just 4 points as the bungling red Mancunians marched into town. This plunged the Toffee’s straight back into the relegation zone they’ve been so desperately avoiding for the past two seasons.
The fans, of course, were irate with the league’s decision, claiming the punishment to be too severe and questioning why similar actions haven’t been taken towards other investigated clubs like Manchester City or Chelsea, who are reportedly facing more severe allegations of financial mismanagement.
These protests included a march to the stadium before the game, with all of the expected banners, flags, and chants included. In the stadium, red cards simply reading “corrupt”, could be seen waved by seemingly every fan in the ground, and a wonderfully simple chant of “Premier League - corrupt as fuck” echoed around the stadium in the 10th minute (with that time being chosen symbolically, of course).
Everton Supporters holding up the "Corrupt" red cards (Via Sports Business Journal)
Fireworks could even be heard on the broadcast as the commentators noted the pyrotechnic show taking place outside the grounds during the match as a further form of protest, adding fuel to the fire and confetti spectacle of this wild atmosphere.
But, even as Everton supporters did everything they could to capture the attention of the league and its fans, the spotlight was practically stolen from them before they even could even take the stage.
In just the 3rd minute, Manchester United’s Alejandro Garnacho stunned Everton with an inconceivably athletic overhead kick that soared into the top left corner. We’re talking Wayne Rooney’s famous bike vs City, but if it was like, even more ridiculous.
*THAT* Garnacho goal (Via CNN)
The “goal of the season” chatter ensured on the broadcast, in the studio, and on the internet as pundits and fans alike shifted the prevailing narrative from, “wow, what happened to Everton was pretty messed up” to, “Holy shit, did you see what Garnacho just did???”
Everton, to their credit, put up a fair fight after being punched in the nose so early on. The Blues were on the attack for much of the first half following the United goal, flashing attempts just wide and prompting action from Andre Onana with several shots on frame.
But, they proved as unfortunate in front of goal as they’ve been off the pitch. United’s quality began to shine through in ways we’d rarely seen this season, with debutant midfielder Kobbie Mainoo dictating the tempo in a truly impressive performance from the 18 year old.
Kobbie Mainoo in his debut (Via United in Focus)
They doubled their advantage from the spot in the 56th minute, as Marcus Rashford bagged a much-need confidence booster. The penalty decision was awarded by VAR, which further enraged the Everton faithful, despite it probably being the correct decision. But, still … I feel your pain there, Everton fans.
Everton, impressively, pulled themselves off the mat once more and threw more bodies forward, testing the United back line and firing a total of 24 shots at Onana’s goal before the final whistle. But, in what can only be described as an “Evertonly” fashion, none of these efforts nestled in the back of the net.
United put the game to bed in the 75th minute with a slick, Oleball style counter that was finished cooly by Tony Martial, who still plays for Manchester United.
On paper, this will probably go down as a pretty regular Premier League fixture. A mid-season clash of two Premier League mainstays, won 3-0 by the higher ranked visitor. But for those who watched, they’ll know they saw a classic, albeit of an unusual variety.
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